Who Would Want To Be In Heaven For 7 Minutes?
by PiratePrincessXx
Summary: Crack fiction for the weak minded. Just kidding! 7 minutes in heaven- Naruto mixed Style. You never know who could be involved! Pure Crack for my own amusement and yours as well. Check it outtt.
1. Well, That's New

**This is completely utter crack in a jar, okay? I assigned the boys all numbers and then randomly clicked a number between 1 and 8 so there is no couples just pure uncontrollable fun =D Enjoy. Ahaha.**

"Why are we all here?!"

The teen boy shouted from the corner of the room. His eyes darting around at all the others just like the dog in his lap.

Everyone was here. Well, a scrambled hand full of people from random places. What was to be expected from a crack fiction?!

Itachi closed his eyes as he rubbed the bridge of his nose in frustration.

"Because the writer is a strange young lady who is easily amused by these sort of stories. Might-as-well deal with it."

Sakura and Ino huddled together in one of the corners with Hinata when they noticed two boxes in the middle of the room with a piece of paper in the middle of them. Ino carefully took it into her hands and read the crummy handwriting.

"7 minutes in heaven Rules: Box one contains pieces of paper with numbers. Boys must each take one and hide in from others until their number is called. Girls are to draw a piece of paper from other box. When your number is called you are to get into the closet for 7 minutes. No exceptions!"

Shikamaru yawned and looked at her with a bored expression.

"We know the rules of 7 minutes in heaven, Ino. Geez."

"Shut up, you lazy cow! Some people might not have known."

Hinata blushed and looked at the floor as Ino cast her eyes in her direction.

"Besides, the audience might not know."

"Then they are slow. Can we just get this over with? I wanna go sleep."

Proceeding, all the boys took turns grabbing a paper from the first box and take notice to their number that fate gave them.

Temari clapped her hands excitedly, wanting to see what poor souls get caught in death trap that is the closet.

"So, who starts?"

Naruto shook his head furiously.

"I don't know if I want to play this game if _she_ is going to play!!!"

He shouted, stabbing his finger in Tsunade's direction.

She, in return, growled and got ready to pummel him if Shizune hadn't stopped her.

"Watch what you say, you little bug-eyed brat!"

He stuck his tongue out at her when Jiraiya hushed him.

"Stop it, Naruto. If she draws your number, we'll switch."

He whispered, winking which just gave Naruto to creeps and scooted away.

"Moving on!"

Temari snapped.

"Who's first?"

"I will, I guess?"

Tenten muttered from her side of the room and crawled to the middle where the box laid. Temari gave it a quick shake and held it out to her as she dipped her hand in and withdrew a crumple piece. Unfolding it neatly, she turned it for others to see.

"Uh, Number 2?"

There was a loud gulp and Naruto questioned whether or not to quickly steal someone else's paper but he was too loud and everyone looked at him now.

_Damn it!_

"No way. Naruto, is that your number?"

Ino asked, half laughing, half actually curious.

"Well, this ought to be interesting. In to the closet, you two!"

Temari announced and ushered them to the small broom closet while Naruto hesitated as much as possible.

Neji and Hinata both cursed from their spots on the floor and stared at the ground as the two were locked in with Temari and Ino's ears pressed to the door.

"Dammit, you two. Stop being nosey."

Anko snapped, yanking both down to the floor.

"Let them have their fun.

--

Inside, Tenten and Naruto took their places at the opposite sides of the closet no matter how pointless it was as they still seemed to be touching.

"Er… So… Seven whole minutes?"

Naruto asked nervously and Tenten gave a quick nod, not caring if he could see her or not. She hoped he couldn't since her face now flushed a deep red.

It wasn't like she had feelings for him but just the thought of being trapped in a closet with any boy was unnerving for her.

"So… should we be doing something?"

"KISSING!!!"

The shout startled both of them into nearly jumping into each other. Ino and Temari were obviously still listening. Naruto made a mental note to get back at them later but was interrupted with he realized just how close he had gotten to Tenten from their jumps.

She glanced up and her eyes showed the same thing ran through her head as well.

"Naruto…"

Was all she could get out when he pressed his lips to hers a little too quickly and rough but both slowly sank into it and relaxed, making the kiss more comfortable until she pulled away from him and rested her forehead on his. Her eyes met his again. This time she wore a smile, the blush faint now but still there.

"Not bad…"

He grinned at her but couldn't say more as the door flew open and Temari gave them a grand welcome.

"7 MINUTES ARE UP!!!"

She shouted and it seemed the whole room leaned in closer to look into the small space at the now bright red teens. Both of them jumped away, crashing into the walls, embarrassed and inched their ways out the room, keeping as much distance as possible while they sat at opposite ends.

Hinata had her emo look going on, refusing to look at either Naruto or Tenten while Neji grimed Naruto something furious.

"As interesting as that all was, someone needs to go next. Any volunteers?"

Ino asked but was shoved out the way as Temari snatched up the box.

"Screw that! I call next!"

Temari grinned as she dug her hands deep in the box with her eyes closed as she snatched up a small piece of paper.

"Number…3?"

She glanced around waiting for her choice to step forward.

From the farthest corner of the room, a man smiled in a somewhat childish but creepy sort of way as he raised his hand calmly.

"Number 3, you said? I believe that is… me."


	2. Molest

**Author's Note: NUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! Curses! Augh! Darn me and my decision to do it all at random! Not Temari has one of my favorite men! Grrr. _;**

**Moving on…. I own Nothing… *pouts***

"Number 3, you said? I believe that is… me."

A shadow announced from the shadows drawing everyone's eyes.

Sitting there, twirling his swirling mask, Tobi _(TOBI!!)_ kept the paper up like a confused 1st grader with a winning ticket. Temari stared, unsure for once in her life when Ino sneered and pushed her into the closet but never daring to touch Tobi.

"In you go!"

Tobi stood slowly and the room was oddly quiet although Itachi sat with his typical pimp hat on to hide his suppressed grin to prevent from laughing. It was only Sasuke's quick eye that caught a break in his smile to see a row of bright teeth that he quickly covered.

"Dumbass…"

He muttered under his breath but cut short at Itachi's icy stare.

Tobi smiled at the exchange.

"Did I miss something?"

"Nothing, Tobi. Just go. Get in the closet."

Sasuke snapped and Tobi obeyed, following after the nervous Temari.

Ino gave them a smug grin and a quick wink as she slammed the door shut.

"So, guys,"

She started, addressing the others.

"Who wants to take bets? I think she'll leave early!"

_Smack_.

Ino sat down clutching her knee from Anko's powerful chop.

"Shut up, sit down and wait. Just for that, I'll be sure that you'll get someone you truly don't want."

In the closet, Temari pressed to the furthest wall from her other captive who sat calmly and cheerfully on the floor by her feet as he stared up at her like a toddler.

"Er…"

"So, what is we are suppose to do in here? Do I feel you up or something?"

Tobi questioned with a genuine expression, not noticing Temari's bright red ears and flaring nose. He kept this look until Temari's fist slammed down on his head and he let out a yelp like a wounded dog.

"Ha, I bet she just did something naughty to him!"

Sakura chimed, fueled by Ino's energy until the hatful stares got the best of her. Gaara and Shikamaru weren't exactly happy to hear her say something like that and she backed away carefully in hopes that she doesn't end up with one of them in the closet.

Tobi rubbed his head.

"How dare you say something like that to me!?"

"… b-but... Itachi said that's what everyone who has gone inside as been doing!"

_Explains Itachi's giggling, I'll tell ya that_.

"No, you fool! They have been making out!"

She snapped, covering herself now.

"Making… out? Like, kissing? Oh. I get it!"

And with that, he jumped up to his feet and stood close to her as he touched her cheek with his cool fingertips that stunned her and lowered himself closer and closer to her…. His sweet breath washing over her like a calm breeze. Paralyzing her into actually wanting this kiss.

This is… until his soft lips touched down on her cheek lightly and for only a moment, making her legs tremble, almost giving out.

"What the hell…!"

She whispered thickly, jumping up into his arms, smothering him in kisses.

Outside, the others stared wide eyed at the shaking closet.

Even Ino didn't dare touch that dreaded doorknob in fear of getting sucked into whatever it was that was in there with them.

It was Gaara that stood up with a sober look that even Itachi scooted away from as he charged to the door, throwing it up, almost knocking out the hinges but thankfully didn't because then the rest of the game would have to done in a room. _Gasp_!

Temari stared shocked at her brother as she straddled poor Tobi on the floor, pinning him with her legs, leaning over him. His eyes wide in fear and shock of what had just happened to him. He didn't know that he had such fan girls _(*Grins*)._

"H-Help…"

He whispered, not being able to breathe properly because of Temari but was saved as Gaara ripped her apart, dragging her away by the collar of her shirt. He fought for a minute until Gaara's murderous eyes locked on hers. Gulp. She sat down obediently but watched carefully as Tobi was helped up by the confused Sakura and led to Itachi's side as he keep a safe distance from her, scared she'd attack again.

As Tobi took his seat stiffly, Itachi let out a snort.

"You okay there, old friend?"

A pause.

"Er… W-what…?"

He asked, still traumatized.

Itachi gave him a pat on the back, ignoring his jumping.

"That, my friend, is sexual appeal. You'll get use to it."

Tobi nodded once with wide innocent eyes as he stared back at the box, avoiding Temari's winks and advances she tried in defiance of her brother.

"C-can we just… move on? _Please?_!"

Freaked out, Sakura jumped up.

"M-me! I'll go, I suppose… Anything to stop this awkwardness..."

She muttered, darting her hand around the box for a piece of paper.

"So… number…"


	3. Battle It Out

"Um… number…"

Sakura chewed inside of her lip while her Inner Sakura chanted excitedly.

'_Sasuke… Sasuke… Sasuke…'_

"..Six?"

Her eyes instantly locked onto Sasuke.

He glanced down at his card-

'_Yes…'_

Looked up at her-

'_Yes!'_

And put his card back down at his side as someone else across the room raised their ticket.

'_No!!!'_ Inner Sakura fumed as she turned to see who it was.

Shikamaru frowned at the card as he raised it indifferently.

"I'm six."

Sakura's shoulders slumped in defeat, blocking out her inner self's rants while Ino glared at the two back and forth.

"Just get in the closet and get this over with!"

She snapped moodily.

Grudgingly, Sakura rose and marched into the room with Shikamaru walking slowly behind her, hands locked on the back of his head.

"This sucks. I didn't even want to play this game."

He whined, plopping down on the floor as soon as the door closed.

Sakura glared down at him from her standing position by the wall.

"You think I want to be in here with you? I should be in here with Sasuke."

She complained, sitting down opposite of him.

Both pouted in silence.

One minute…

Two minutes…

"I want out of here already!"

Sakura cried, annoyed as she ran her fingers into her bangs to squeeze her head but froze as Shikamaru kicked her gently in the knee.

"Sh. I'm napping."

He stated calmly, eyes closed as he leaned against the door contently. This caused Sakura to fume, irritated, and kicked him back.

"Don't shush me!"

"Sh!"

Kicked back.

"You 'sh', Pineapple head!"

Kick.

Kick back.

Kick.

Kick back.

Smack.

Sakura grinned at his froze face until he smacked her back causing them to break out in to a smack fight like the kicking.

Outside the room, the others stared at the door confusedly while Ino sat against the wall near the door somewhat smugly since they weren't kissing. Good.

Naruto leaned into Kiba.

"Who do think is winning?"

"I'd say Sakura. Shika is too lazy to hit hard."

He replied, eyeing the door as Naruto nodded his head.

Tobi tried to focus on the door with the others but since everyone was staring as well, Temari took this chance to make seducing faces that would have worked on anyone else but the child-like ninja before her.

"Maybe we should let them out!"

He declared, trying to shift the attention.

Gaara looked to him then smack Temari across the head before nodding his head to Ino.

"Open the door already. Their time is almost up anyways."

Ino quickly obliged, pulling the door open with a happy grin.

Shika tumbled out first, having been pressed against the door. Bruises already began to show up under his skin as he glared into the room where Sakura now stood, filling the doorway with a victorious grin.

"I went easy on you because you're a girl!"

A vein in Sakura's forehead twitched as she went to go stomp on his spiky big head.

"Why, I---!"

"Okay, who's next?"

Ino interrupted excitedly that made the room uneasy again.

"Come on, don't be such babies."

"Easy for you to say…"

Shika muttered, crawling into his spot near Naruto and Kiba while Sakura huffed, seating herself as far as possible.

Ino sighed, looking at all the girls to determine who was next when her eyes dropped down on Hinata who stared unaware at her fingers that twisted around each other while she sighed mournful for Naruto having already been picked.

"Hinata!"

She jumped, scared and alarmed before casting up a large deer-in-highlights look to Ino.

"Y-Y-Yes?!"

"You're next!"

Ino grinned, pulling Hinata's arm to stand up. She followed but blushed a cherry red, keeping her eyes down fretfully as the box was shaken and presented under her nose. She stuck her hand in and retrieved a crumpled piece of paper.

Hesitating up open it, Ino snatched in out and stared at the inside of it.

"Please stand up, number…."


End file.
